stay smiling

by Joseph Cox

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1.
Angelina Jolie 04:50
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I am like a low budget moving trying to reach for the top Searching for an answer, not getting a lot I am like that new indie song about a breakup, but not like before But can you be my Juliet and i am not Romeo Or could you be my Jolie if i’ve never been to Tokyo or France Do we have a chance I've never been good at dating apps like Tinder but it's on my phone I don't know how to say “Hello nice smile” pretending like this is going to last a while Because it never does for me But can you be my Juliet and i am not Romeo Or could you be my Jolie if i’ve never been to Tokyo or France Do we have a chance Do we have a chance And could you see past my mistakes and pretend to have a few Could you laugh at my old puns and not act bitter (bitter i hardly know her) Could you be my Lily if i'm not a good friend with Ted Could you be my Ellie just don't die in 5 minutes just take me instead
2.
Isabelle (you need a friend) 05:21
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Isabelle won't you talk to me I've sent a dozen messages but no response has came Besides “Seen at 12am” i've been drinking more and more each night And when will you say to me that i am a douche I've sent a dozen messages are they going through I am not sure if this website has a glitch Isabelle are you doing okay I've heard some rumors that you hurt yourself and made your Parents sad, i can talk to you about it Don't you think that you need a friend Someone who can hold you and tell you they miss you Don't you think That i can be it Don't you think that you may need a friend Someone who can see that your scars aren't all you are Don't you think That i can be it Isabelle won't you talk with me I've sent a dozen more and am still waiting I don't want this to be a trend, and for us to end Will you save me a seat next to you on the bus So we can talk about the buildings we pass and what sucks About life in this age of pills Don't you think that you need a friend Someone who can hold you and tell you they miss you Don't you think That i can be it Don't you think that you may need a friend Someone who can see that your scars aren't all you are Don't you think That i can be it
3.
Goodside 04:21
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You probably think that i can't change And you're probably right to think it All the evidence shows is that i would rather watch shows On netflix than change myself a bit And you probably hate my guts More than candy that has nuts in it And you probably hate my life Hate my job and hate my wife So why don't you replace her Tell me what i gotta do to get on your good side i've been good, I haven't drank or smoked in the dozen days that i could, of Tell me what i gotta do to make this up to you I know that i'm a jerk and don't deserve a girl like you So you probably think i'm lame With my band and all my games And D&D with friends So please show me the ropes You have given me high hopes That one day i'll be happy and cool like you You probably hate my songs And resist to sing along Because they make you hate yourself You probably hate me too Whats a guy to do I am an asshole You probably hate my lyrics ‘Cause you can taste yourself in them It's not your fault you broke my heart We did it for the art So, i guess i'm losing you Whats a guy like me to do I am an asshole
4.
Hipster Boutique (Please say yes) 03:35
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5.
I will find someone new 05:50
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I guess you weren't my best chance at happiness I guess you weren’t the one i wanted But i guess it's weird how many weeks it takes to forget your tastes in movies Or music or dates I guess you weren’t my best chance at happiness I guess you weren’t the one i needed So i guess it's weird are you trying to be here? In my movies and music and dates I guess you weren't my best chance at happiness So live your life and i'll live mine And Joe now, don't be weird just forget what she likes when we ate out that one time Forgive me i'm trying I guess you weren’t my best chance at happiness So live your life i'm sure i'll be fine And don't watch me like a hawk, i'll be sad for a while and then i'll flock Like the rest I guess you weren't my best chance at happiness I guess we just weren't meant to be I’ll leave your thoughts if you leave mine and take back the vinyl records you left behind I guess i wasn't your best chance at happiness You have moved on and met someone else I'm glad you found a guy who can actually sing and make good rhymes all the time I guess we both found what we wanted You found a guy and I found a guitar So i guess we made out fine just forget about the tears and be happy we are alive I guess we both found what we needed You found your smile and i found mine So i guess we made out fine just forget about me and i'll forget about you sometimes
6.
La La Land 05:01
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The temperature is just right outside And the stars may align And if you ask me i would not trade it for the world Light reflecting off of street signs Directly in my eyes But if you ask me if i would move I would say fuck no Cars heart rate races with it's headlights on The fire inside will last for so so long But if you asked me if I dread All of this environment I would say fuck no have you seen the stars And the way they light this dirt and we're so far From it all doesn't that make any sense I would say fuck no haven't you felt the breeze and the way it hits the trees so fast and so soft I don't want to take this for granted anymore Sundress brighten my day It's cold out but that is okay And if I ask you to come with me Say fuck no haven't you been outside The sun is burning right in my eyes But I got sunglasses and now I feel fine Say fuck no I don't want to write a new song I want to breathe and let someone else Write a song about me So fuck no haven't you seen the stars and the way they light this dirt we're so far away from it all So fuck no haven't you felt the breeze and seen the way it hits the trees so fast and soft at the same time
7.
Metaphors 03:13
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Don't you forget it how amazing you are Don't make me remind you for the hundredth time this Hour, you could use a little sourness to get some competition Because right now it's you vs the world and you are winning, obviously Has anybody told you that your eyes Are something that can't be described with metaphors Has anybody told your hair is Like a sunshine that can't be described with similes Well you heard it from me Don't you forget it how ridiculous you are And don't think for a second that you can leave this bar, without a wave From the stranger, over there, to my left, He is checking you out And the girl behind the bar who voted for Bernie and still believes that he can win
8.
forever 07:09
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did you really think i could write a song that isn't depressing doesn't remind me of my ex or my crushes undressing that just does not work, i am not programmed that way i am blood and i am anger, with a guitar on my waist -band, touring across new hampshire, playing to who knows ever singing about my life, and why you would never want to be me, me, i am me forever; did you really think i could fall in love without breaking my hip bone, learning how to dance on the road to new jersey do you think that they will like me, maybe with salt in their eyelids, and drunk off the A.C. i know i'm a crutch i know i'm a handful forever sin-filled whatever, i know that i'm a mess, i know that i'm a puzzle forever, drunk or high whatever, did you really think i could play this show with the lights on, see my sleeves dark and cut, please turn the lights off, did you think i could stop writing music and maybe see a doctor, did you hope i would play this show with the lights off, ignore the truth in my lyrics, and enjoy your bourbon, i've been sober for a week now, and i wish i could share, what really put me over i know i'm a crutch i know i'm a handful forever sin-filled whatever, i know that i'm a mess, i know that i'm a puzzle forever, drunk or high whatever,
9.
withdrawal 05:06
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Withdrawal symptoms are killing me Headaches leading to the bathroom, following my knees To the ground, dust smothered and anxious Mirror is just out of sight, and out of mind, Withdrawal symptoms are eating me Loss count of loss calories and losing weight quickly To the ground, my flesh drops, so anxious With comfort so far out of sight and out of mind When will this stop ripping me apart You took down my house and are aiming for my heart When will this stop being a fucking joke I'm running out of Blood to give, I'm running out of Lungs to Donate when i Die I'm running out of Cells that are not cancerous or anxious Cells that won't waste your time Withdrawal symptoms are leading me To the margin of every poem i write With punctuation marks of semi-colons Of a nightmare that just won't end I'm running low on Serotonin levels can you Pass Me the Bottle I will only take one, i swear, but mine were sold off for weed I'm running high with a heart rate of 99 and my legs have been cut off I will only take two, i swear, i need this more than i need myself To remember anything, i won't, i am busy searching letting go of all the ethics That i followed When i Was clean Withdrawal symptoms are killing me, I need a fix or a tool to fix me, I'm running out of blood to give And i won't take it back
10.
Since may 03:55
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I dont know if you care about what ive been up to I dont know if you heard about my car crash We haven’t hugged since May And that may be a mistake Ive been sitting in my room missing the way you treated me like shit We don’t look the same I guess that's what time does when we’ve been so far away, For so long, I heard you got a job serving coffee at this bar, While i was selling televisions and giving my liver scars, I heard a rumor that you took your boyfriend to the beach, While i was writing songs about the times that you took me, We haven’t kissed since May, And that may have been a mistake, Ive been drowning in tears from that day, But we don't look the same, I guess you lost the weight you gained from stress eating while dating me, And you don't sound the same, I guess you aren’t anxious about your voice like you were because of me, And i don't love you the same, I guess that's what time does when you’re busy hating me, We don’t look the same I guess that's what time does when we’ve been so far away, We don’t look the same I guess that's what time does when we’ve been so far away, For so long, for so long.
11.
Letter to myself 03:45
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Are you happy Being alone’ Are you happy Lying during therapy and eating away at your life Are you happy Being right Are you happy Being selfish is more important than being alright I know you're not happy So what are you going to do about it You tried the highest proof and make amends with things loose you've tried everything Under the sun and over the moon The hardest medications you’ve become immune I know you're not happy Are you willing To keep searching Are you willing To finally be happy after years of tearing yourself down Maybe that's not what you want To change yourself Maybe all that you want Is to smile sometimes and hurt sometimes less I know it's hard to make someone new But new is always better
12.
A letter to my (ex) therapist 04:33
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I know I'M NOT HAPPY why should i be I just need to cooperate And face that this is ancient And i just need to sit down Face that everything is just evil It will all turn you against you someday I just need to sit down and face That everything is just evil I know i'm not happy so tell me How to breathe and forget my fate Of sipping wine too much everyday Promising others that i'm okay So tell me, tell me what you want From me, today or tomorrow, whatever works out Best for you, for me, for you, for me, and my head In my head Tell me what you need me to To stay as a weekly visit to you A safehouse for boredom, for when i go sober Like november to march Tell me what i need to be happy If it's a girl i will FUCKING punch you If it's NOT i will too, I'm SORRY i'll leave, just take the cash out of my wallet I'm sorry please help me up I have shattered into puzzle pieces Unknown and without reason Except to make a picture of me and you To get help and live a bit longer Be there when i get old Do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i Do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do Do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do Do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, do i want it, no
13.
hey percocet 04:06
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hey percocet will you take a walk with me hey percocet can you talk with me about our memories good or bad just put down the lighter fluid and throw away the matches stop spending your time buying candles to clean it up and stop just stop hey percocet do you remember seaworld, or remember the fine arts museum hey percocet can you put down the ink and the blank prescription sheet just put down the lighter fluid and throw away the matches stop spending your time buying candles to clean it up and stop just stop and if you think this is only affecting you tell me that one more fucking time when im standing up at your funeral filled with matches filled with anger filled with fake prescriptions and lost love
14.
How i became an english major 04:06
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Sometimes you wake up in some pain And you don't know what to blame Your eyes are teary arms are bleeding And the only one who's around is you Some days you wake up at 3 in the afternoon With a sweater on from trying to get away Your blankets covered in alcohol your veins filled with ethanol You don't remember how you got here Maybe it's not strange My friends all moved away And maybe it's just how it goes Maybe it's not bad I miss my Mom and Dad And don't want to study I.T. Some Nights you walk a few miles alone, Looking for girls like me, With eyes that are teary and arms that are bleeding, The only one who’s around is you And maybe it's alright I just want to die Leave me here i'll wake up later Then i'll wake up With a headache that woke stop And that will just be how it goes One day you'll wake up and skip your 8’am To play guitar and write about your life With blankets covered in alcohol and veins filled with lies that you never told a soul Now i guess i'll die, I've written enough of lies, To cover up my tracks of beer I know i will die,` And i know i will be fine Leave me here and i'll wake up later
15.
I'm a Romantic 06:40
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I don't know what to do, With all of my free time that I used to spend with you, Now, my late nights, have become my only chore, Filled with empty bottles, shot glasses on the floor, I don't know what to do, With all of the pictures that i have with me, yet featuring you, And now i don't know what to do, With all of the habits i grew about cherishing someone and it was always you, Why did you have to take up all my time, Why aren't my hobbies as great as they were before you came into my life, Why am i spending my nights trying to fall asleep to smoke filling up my room, And why can't i write these lines without being fucking high thinking about my times with you, It's fucking depressing, That i am undressing, It's fucking depressing, That i am obsessing, Over you, Maybe i’m a romantic, I can not be alone, Flipping through many months of memories gone wrong, Maybe i am delusional, That you were ever mine, You were too busy getting hooked on somebody else's B-Sides, Maybe I'm a romantic, I did everything for you, Now i'm searching for someone who laughs like you, Maybe I was delusional, To think you loved me so, But now you're on your cell phone talking about his voice that glows, I guess that i'm a romantic, With a shattered heart, Looking for someone to fill my empty walls with art, I guess i am delusional, To think I could be here, Without someone in my life to stop me from leaking tears, Here i am; a romantic, May the depression now ensue, I'll be showing the next girl the same things i showed to you, Here i am; delusional, Saying i am fine, Spending my nights smoking pot and eating out somebody's insides,
16.
How I lost my legs (shark song) 04:17
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Capo 5 C F C F G I want to tell a story About how i lost my legs A shark came and bit them off And as he swam away i begged To have them back it would be A miraculous travesty I would need to learn How to sew and stitch again But he didn't give them back I swam away in pain I learned how to use a wheelchair and sing Do you feel the way i do A part of me got lost in a part of you Do you feel the way i do You played the shark and i waited for you The voices they tell me I didn’t need my legs This is who i am now And i better not beg For the shark to come back And give me back what's mine I've gotten this far And i'm still far behind And the doctors they told me There are pills to help with loss Of stability And they are worth the cost And the doctors they tell me That i won't get them back They don't grow like evergreens And i'll keep being sad So doctors please tell me what is really going on I've donated hoping to treat what is wrong Do you feel the way i do A part of me got lost in a part of you Do you feel the way i do You played the shark and i waited for you So doctors tell me straight up Is this worth all my time Or should i go back in the water And let myself drown this time
17.
You are an angel, not me 04:09
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You are my dream You are my everything Please don't leave i need you around Why do i even bother You are an angel not me Why do i need a reminder You are an angel not me
18.
Darling please 03:57
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Verse: C, G, F Chorus: F, G, C, G, Am, F Lay in bed Stare up into darkness above my head Wait for dreams to come Please interrupt this melancholy feeling I'm drowning from Cause I don't wanna wait For the sun to rise this morning To get some sleep darling please Cause I just wanna sleep Cause I just wanna sleep Darling, please Switch the pillow again To the colder side as if that would help me Fold my clothes again As if that would help my fucking leg from twitching when I'm laying across on my bed with my legs facing east That I only knew because I googled it because I can’t fucking sleep With my head facing west I cannot attest to getting any sleep with my head still on my neck Cause I don't wanna wait For tomorrow night to try this all again To put me out of this pain, darling please, Cause I just wanna sleep, Cause I just wanna sleep, Cause I just wanna sleep, Darling, please,
19.
Prom night 03:27
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Prom’s in just a few hours, Maybe smoke some pot before going out, Maybe drink some beer after, To forget that i was all alone, Class is in a few hours, Maybe smoke a bowl or two, Maybe take some shots after, Stay awake for the sun to bloom, I, am scared, of what i may see, If i leave my room, without smoking weed, I, am scared, of who i will be, If i never leave this room, without smoking weed, I have a date in a few hours, Maybe she will smell the smoke on me, Then i will take her drinking, Alone in my room with me, Prom’s in just a few hours, I smoked a bowl and i can’t see straight, I guess i’ll stay until I grow out, And it's time to smoke again,
20.
Pause 03:13
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“I can explain this one more fucking time But after, you will realize” But we can't be over, is this just a pause A special feature on our dvd And will you still call me and “tell me goodnight” When you're working late shifts at the bar And will you still write your “love songs” about us Or are we not taking a pause, “I will explain this slow and steady, listen here… I am ready to run” Are you ready for marriage or a boy or a girl Are you ready to try something new And will you still call me and tell me what you think About the fuckheads at the bar And will you still write me love letters when you’re sad Or “do you not want to be happy” Because this isn't the end no it can not be I am in need of your company You made me who i am and i wish softly so That i made a good impression on you But i know that's a joke and you hate when i smoke (“i do”) And that's all that my lungs ever do, now But we can't be over “we are” No we can't be over “But we are “

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released May 20, 2017

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Joseph Cox New Hampshire

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